Split the difference
This is one amazing book. Ended up picking it up only recently but wished I had a lot earlier. But as they also say, എല്ലാത്തിനും അതിന്റെതായ സമയമുണ്ട് ദാസാ. It’s even possible that had I read this book much earlier in life I would have had the life experiences to make sense of the genius of what this book really is.
The premise of the book is essentially this:
All of us think and perceive the world differently. For us to be able to connect with another person, we should be able to see and hear the world as they perceive it. The person should feel understood. That’s really the key to unlocking relationships & collaboration.
We as human beings tend to like what we can relate to and tend to fear/despise what we don’t. At the core of it all is our need to be heard and understood.
All decisions are emotional decisions. The book cites a study (which I am yet to verify), in which a person who lost the faculty for emotions was unable to make even basic routine decisions.
Traditionally, negotiations are viewed as win-lose battles and meeting midway as a go-to fair approach. The book presents it in an entirely new light. That conflicts are really are about our inability to understand and relate to each other’s perspectives.
The book presents its entire premise in the backdrop of hostage negotiation. I would argue that it’s not really about hostage negotiation. Understood what it really is about and bringing those principles into your life is really bound to enrich your life & your relationships significantly. This is what in turn also made me go, wish I had picked this up sooner.